The last folk song ever written will be written in the year 2021 and will use standard tuning and three-chord progression. The last folk song ever written will be played on a Gibson acoustic guitar on its second complete set of nylon strings and strummed confidently but sung with rustic imperfections. The last folk song ever written will name-check Woody Guthrie and Pete Seeger and several others exceeding the songwriter in originality but who are kindred spirits like a torch lighting a birthday-cake candle. The last folk song ever written will not contain any similes as evocative as that.
The last folk song ever written will be called “Closing the Canon” but will be popularly referred to as “Firing the Canon” after a line in its chorus. The last folk song ever written will land only glancing and superficial blows on any particular politician, party, group, or social issue and will doubt it could do better. The last folk song ever written will wonder if it is a protest song even though it only protests the lack of protests. The last folk song ever written will be unflinchingly self-aware but will be too earnest to call itself “meta.”
The last folk song ever written will not include yodeling although the songwriter will have admired Jewel. The last folk song ever written will suffer for want of yodeling. The last folk song ever written will contain two verses that will have as much substance as yodeling.
The last folk song ever written will have charm as an inarticulate plea for a fading ideal and stand as a synecdoche of the state of modern folk music. The last folk song ever written will not inspire further folk songs.
The last folk song ever written will attract a modest flock of hipsters who will call it “reverently urgent” and “plaintively bare” and some of them will listen to it more than once. The last folk song ever written will nearly die of loneliness. The last folk song ever written will grasp the bottom rungs of various Billboard charts but will be harvested for samples in party anthems by Pitbull and Flo Rida.
The last folk song ever written will not be very good.
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Image from Patents Wall Art.
